Deathy Bahama Lifeguard Hat

You, yes you there reading this website: You have been chosen. This hat has been worn since time immemorial by those selfless enough to throw themselves between humanity and the merciless psycho killer that is water. Claim your Lifeguard Hat, take up the mantle, and defend your species against the deadliest stuff on earth.

This hat also makes a pretty cool nacho tray.